A comprehensive guide to the snapshooter’s personality

1. PROFILE (20)

- when you host a contest, make sure the first rule is that people have to watch your profile in order to enter

- spam-a-lot using different account

- use cheats/hacks to improve your page ratings

- When you join a club, be sure to ignore any warnings and fave works in the club's gallery. Then, blame the original artist for stealing the club's deviations.

- Fill in the "Information" fields using merely "whateva", etc, guess, not telling, none of your business". That way you are sure to avoid identity thieves

- create accounts for each type of works you do: one for photography, one for photomanipulation, one for drawings, one for pencil drawings, one for manga drawings, one for yaoi drawings, etc.

- your username/alias should contain at least a reference to: evil satanic things, gigantic genitals, some random numbers (of the beast), some known brands

- create a few dozens stock accounts each with same content

- make sure you have at least one account on every site possible – the better the artist the numerous the sites he’s on. You’re a nobody if you do not have a fibermade, clifker, hi6, im, aym, da, mns, live, purulentbubble, footbook, .com.

- link yourself with everyone you can and eventually make them worship you. It’s ok they do not comment on your art – they praise you in silence.

- make sure you always talk about yourself at third person. Make sure you do, so you will get respect.

- describe yourself in more than a thousand words. This way everyone we’ll see the real you.

- once u pass 5000 views stop answering all your comments or reply to any of your watchers. you're a bigsh*t now and no one is worth your time...

- have more id versions than posts

- even if you have nothing to say, update your jounal/blog. your posts should be treasured and memorized by everyone.      

- write countless journals of how you're gonna leave the community and delete all your "art" just to impress your horde (it can not be called a number) of "fans" and get everyone teary and sh*t.

- create contests preferably with prizes designed and manufactured by you. As contest theme choose something related to you, your person or your pet. Hint: "Interpret and worship me and my dead pet's art in an ode in ancient latin" or "Praise my art and comment on how you like it". Always give the prize to someone you know (friend/family).

- become a pseudo-admin of a shady forum/chat/club and rule with an iron fist. Ban everyone kick everyone report everyone spam everyone!

- use your many stock accounts to comment and fave your main account's pictures; if you bump yourself up to the popular page it means you're successful

- Remember never to be yourself. Being natural is so last season. Pretend to be someone you're not are you pretend to be... ahh, yeah!


2. TECHNIQUE (37)

- Take a dozen macro's of your hand in different positions. Call it emotional photography. When people tell you you're mad delete and repost as stock.

- In lieu of a fisheye lens reflective surfaces work just as well. Take photos of yourself in the side of the jug. Tell everyone how awesome you are.

- Make sure you always photoshop extensively, still post as photography.

- don't worry if you can't really own a camera, there are a bunch of stock photos out there to be mutilated beyond recognition! when editing a stock photo be sure to use blur, flames and/or crosses, it'll turn out fantastic!

- scribble something in Paint on screenshots from your favorite anime and be sure to add the "XD" emote a couple of times. It's funny and original after all.

- if someone has a picture of a dog/cat/plushie/marble etc that resembles one of yours be sure to leave a link to your pic. That way they can be jealous yours look better and of course you had the idea first.

- take photos of your pet in all possible poses even if it means torturing the poor little creature. Try seeing if your cat’s eyes still spark inside the oven. Or see how your fluffy dog looks like with a perm. Or how fast can your turtle run on the freeway.

- photoedit your photo beyond recognition – stop only when you don’t realize what it was in the first place. Then you put it in the abstract and surreal category.

- save in low quality jpeg. Use “save” and not “save as” – so the filesize gets lower and lower with every save.

- use watermarks – the bigger the better. Preferably bright red or electric green and containing your name written with a very fancy font, your nickname and the names of all your friends

- take photos of your pretty goth girl face. Use lots of ridiculous makeup, some gran’ma socks, black crayons, get some fur, make everything look goth and dark, preferably suck on a lollipop and hold a teddybear. Then edit out your pimples. If people don’t like it, post it as stock.

- take pictures in the museums with the flash at full power – the contrast will be much better. Ignore the custodian of the museum, she’s just jealous of your technique.

- create a stock account and put very low quality watermarked images and ask people not to use them without worshiping your ass.

- snuck in your camera into concerts. Stay in the middle of the arena and use the flash to take picture of the stage.

- find subject for your photos in the people who do not want to be photographed – what do they know?!

- it’s good to have lots of shots of the same thing. When you’ve reached about 40 normal shots with the same subject you can stop and start shooting the same thing in different other modes (sports/foliage/nightmode).

- copy the photos that you like and try to imitate them accurately. If anyone asks – it was your idea but it got stolen.

- don’t read any tutorials. These are bad and ruin the imagination. You are a true artist – no one should dictate you what to do with your camera.

- when you go to a photoshoot always travel in pack. The more the merrier. Make sure you all photograph the same shit at the same time. Then compare photos. Make fun of the one who has a difference.

- nude photos are always popular – eat a lot of pizza for a few months and then start taking shots of your body. Use different positions – the weirder the better. When running out of ideas try imitating greek goddess’ positions or playboy models. Use blur a lot on post processing.

- use props in every shot you take – find useless things around and hold them close to your body. Try finding dirty stuff to lick/stick in your mouth. This always attracts the males.

- take macro pictures of your eye with all the makeups and glitter possible and eventually put a heart in it and name it "love".

- attempt to take motion shots & when they don't turn out call them abstracts  

- use flash every time you shoot. Us it on maximum power setting. Have no mercy on your subjects' eyes, art equals sacrifices.

- manipulate your photos and pretend you di'not! Nobody would figure it out. That tree on that minuscule island in the middle of the ocean is so like... there.
And the cat with three eyes... whaaat?

- wherever possible insert obscure song lyrics, whether they actually relate to your photos or not.

- put a frame in all the colors possible then add your link and your name with Comic Sans but with a color that doesn't haves any match with the colors in the photo.

- name your shots with numbers only. This way, anyone who looks will think there is a hidden meaning to the photos and try to figure out the connection between the numbers and the shots.

- rip other deviant's works and when accused of copyright infringement, deny all accusations and call everyone a jerk. You created that ,even if your version is a crop of the others' photo

- write something on your body or part of your body (preferably boob, forehead, penis or hand) then pose as the exact opposite of what you wrote. Put it into conceptual photography.

- take a photo of yourself inside a bathroom (toilet seat MUST be visible!), preferably in a dirty mirror and post it under the name "rEfLeCtIonz".

- take pictures of action figures

- take pictures with shoes. any kind of pictures, put your shoes on, take your shoes off, put shoes on your head, in your aquarium, on your dog's paws. Shoes is cool.

- delete and upload your works every chance you get. This way you'll have a huge amount of activity on your profile

- if some of your work was not a blast then reupload the same one but add in the title the word "updated"

- take more photos of your pimpled face in the mirror with flash: laughing, hurting, emo, crazy, hat'ing, lov'ing and then photomanip them by adding some glitter.

3. CRITIQUE (18)

- add works to as you favorite the millisecond they are uploaded - do not even look at them. Your motto - fav now, add comments later!

- always do critiques and feedback in your own NON international language.

- do not accept any critiques, people is just being jealous of your magnificent creations

- people who do not like your photos are idiots – let them know that any time you have the chance

- make people feel bad by commenting back with things like: “yeah…”, “wha’ever!”, “10x”, “10q”

- learn a few acronyms (what is that?!) and start talking using them at about 75%. The other 25% - use \"whatever\".                  

- if you don’t have anything nice to say, just say something in japanese. This will make you look intelligent.

- always complain how your art is underrated and how it should be posted on every museum’s wall and every exposition.

- create series of photos no one understands and likes. Then pretend they are all idiots and they “just don’t get it!”

- use tons of icons and emoticons and images and glitter on everything you say regarding other people’s work. It’s a know fact a smiley can replace a thousand words.

- use the words: love, dude, buddy, mate, beautiful, sweet, awesome, amazing, great, nice, cool, thank, girl, boy, homie,  and all of their derivates (thanks = thankies, senkies, menkies, 10z, 10q, 10x, 10cs, tks, tkns, tkx, tkq,..)

- communicate only in acronyms.

- don't ever spell check....ever!

- fav and feature a lot. Even if you do not like what you've just featured. It will get you lots of 10qs and profile views. And that's a good thing!

- Xmas light are cool. Shoot lots of them - then play with hue/saturation. Upload every variation possible. Shinyyyy!!!

- each time you get a true critique on your work report the person as a spammer and ask the admins to ban him.

- make fun of people with square photos or any other shapes/compositions than the usual rectangle shape. Let them know their monitor is badly calibrated and it might have some Vertical or Horizontal issues.

- say you don't really take this site seriously anyway when somebody points out a flaw in your work.

- add captions every time you get the chance. Do not use black or white. Preferably use rainbow or electric gradients.

4. HARDWARE (8)

- always buy the latest camera model – this insures you total technical support for your art. Ask your mom and dad to purchase the most expensive stuff on the market.

- make fun of everyone else that has a gear less powerful than you. Their photos will definitely have less megapixels than yours.

- always buy in pairs – make sure you have two of a kind, you never know when you need two tripods. at the same time.

- make mom and dad carry your gear, yell at them if they say your will not use any of them. What do they know?!

- after buying the most capable and expensive camera, skip reading the manual or some kind of learning guide! If you don't know how to use it, just put it to Auto. It will still look cool! Manual mode is just for nerds!!!

- close to Xmas time, ask your mom and dad to buy you a super-tele lens preferably with IS and VR so you can shoot Santa up his ...chimney.

- upgrade your camera software everytime a new patch surfaces from your usual unverified torrent

- cell phones can be used to replace slr's. And because of the blur, there is no noise in your photos.

5. DEFINITIONS (13)

- black and white photography = pictures for the blind

- sepia photography = opposite to octopus photography, used in medieval times to capture the souls of apache indians in middle east africa. Aloha-He!

- HDR photography = snapshots from the times when you were on weed

- square photography = cropped crap

- diptych photography = two junk photos combined into one bigger junk photo

- film photography = poor people's choice in snapshooting

- photomanipulations = incompetent's choice

- nude photography = porn.

- macro photography = geek's choice

- wedding photography = unemployed sweaty pony-tailed fat-people's choice

- commercial photography = wannabe artists' choice

- long exposure photography = "i have a tripod" show-offs

- artistic nudity = also.. porn!


6. MANDATORY THINGS IN YOUR WORKS (11)

- glitter / shiny makeup / glittzy trittzy lipstick / hoookah makeup / lots of pins

- flashy wardrobe / long black stockings / hair and goth accessories / scarf / glasses

- umbrellas / canes / gasmasks / hats

- toys / plushies / beanies

- cats

- colored sweets of any kind

- cellphones / bling bling / tshits with writing on them / vintage stuff / masks

- unnecessary nudity / lips / hand gestures / feet / eyes / nose

- lens flares / lights /

- milk / honey / pudding /

- latest gadget on the market